I highly disagree with withholding sex, and a lot of psychologists also disagree. But I personally have a few reasons for why I view it as just plain heartless.
I understand that you are trying to prove a point, but withholding sex may not be the best way to prove your point'"despite what you may think.
1. Withholding sex teaches your man to only value your body . When you withhold sex from your man, you are sending a message. The message is, "My body is a reward". And don't get me wrong. I think every woman's body is a prize, but when you withhold sex from a man, you are telling him that the only thing he should worry about is doing what you want him to do so that he can get "the prize". There is more to a woman than her body, so why are you only withholding your body? I'm not trying to give you any other ideas to torture your man, but why not withhold everything you do? Are you only a sex toy? If not, stop treating yourself like the only valuable thing about you is your vagina.
2. Withholding sex is prostitution. Oh yes I did just go there! When you withhold sex, you are sending a second message: "My body is for sale". You are teaching the man that if he gives you A, B, and C, then you'll give him X, Y, and Z. Basically, you are making a transaction or exchanging goods. You are bartering. Yes, in relationships there should be negotiating, but sex should not be a part of the negotiation. You shouldn't barter sex. That's what prostitutes do.
3. Withholding sex is emotionally abusive. There are men in this world that actually enjoy having sex with the woman they love, and they use sex as a way to express that. When you withhold sex from him, you are sending a final message: "I don't want to love you". Let's face it. The only reason why women withhold sex is to hurt the guy. Just be honest and call it what it is. Let's not pretend that we don't know it's a mean spirited thing to do. It is only done to inflict pain. And that's why it's abuse. It's only done to make the man feel lonely, deprived, and left in the cold. If a man purposely makes a woman feel that way, we would say he's abusive. So why not say that when it's the other way around?
Sex is supposed to be an expression of love. It's not supposed to be used as a way to get what you want, reward people for things, or to punish people for things. I hate when women use their bodies in this way because it matches the stereotype that we use are bodies and sexuality to get what we want. I always want us to transcend those stereotypes, but some of us are doing a good job of proving those stereotypes to be true.
I don't quite know who to blame for this, but the perception that you can get whatever you want by having or withholding sex is flawed. Every time you do that, you are reducing yourself down to just a body. You are ignoring the parts of you that can actually get the job done'"the mind and the spirit.
You can't actually believe that withholding sex is the best way to prove your point. Are you telling me that you can't come up with any other way to barter without using your body? If you can't, then you don't need to have kids because kids don't want to have sex with you, so how are you going to get them to behave?
You know what I think? I think some women think men are children. They think they have to "discipline" him if he does something wrong. If you have a man that needs to be disciplined, then maybe you shouldn't be with him. I personally prefer to date a man that has already been raised well by his mom. I don't want to date someone that I have to raise and discipline. If you have to do that, then maybe you shouldn't be with him in the first place.
Don't you know that you are not the only woman with a vagina? If you don't give it to him, where do you think he will get it? From another woman, of course! With all the Rachel Uchitels of the world, there would be lots of women who would be glad to sleep with your man if you refuse to.
Source- Naij
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