A healthy vagina is equivalent to a healthy woman. So, it is very important that all women should be concerned about their vaginal health. If you want to protect yourself from common yeast infections and vaginal odour, then follow these simple ways to keep your vagina healthy.
Never use soap - At times, the odour of your vagina can be very overpowering embarrassing, but at these times, avoid cleaning your pubic area with soap or liquid cleanser. The vagina can stay clean by itself, as our body has a system for it. Also, during menstruation, just wash it with water to maintain good hygiene.
Stay away from vaginal sprays - You might think that using a floral spray on your vagina, will give it a sweet-smelling scent, but this could actually ruin the pH level of your vagina and cause irritation and other problems.
Maintain good hygiene during your periods - For a healthy vagina, it is very important to follow proper hygiene during menstruation. Never use your sanitary napkins for too long. It absorbs blood and if used for a longer duration it can cause bacteria build-up and lead to rashes and irritation.
Wear cotton panties - Choose cotton panties over other material as they dry quickly and also allows passage of air, which further helps in preventing yeast infections due to damp conditions. So, avoid fancy underwear made from fabrics like lace, silk or synthetic material.
Wear loose clothes - Wearing tight clothes like skinny pants usually traps moisture and can lead to yeast infection and rashes. So, it is very important to wear loose-fitting clothes.
Trim pubic hair - Maintain good vaginal health by regularly trimming your pubic hair. Excess hair around your vagina can create a moist environment, which can cause bacteria to grow leading to infection.
Do kegel exercises - Kegel exercise will help to strengthen your pelvic muscles and also help you enjoy sex. While you urinate, try stopping your urine midstream, by tightening your muscles for few seconds and then release them.
Drink plenty of water - The best way to keep your vagina healthy is by drinking water at regular intervals. Water helps to throw out bacteria present in the body in the form of urine, and helps in boosting your vaginal health.---
Check strange vaginal behaviour - If you notice a strange, smelly vaginal discharge, excess itching or unusual colour then it is important that you treat these symptoms by consulting your doctor, in order to prevent it from getting worse.
Go for a Pap Smear - Since cancer is on the rise, it is best to prevent it rather than treat it. The best way to prevent cancer of the cervix is to take a pap smear test at least once a year or as advised by your doctor. This will save your life and keep your vagina healthy.
Ever wonder what a girl will be like in bed before you've slept with her? Believe it or not, there are actually plenty of ways to tell - and no, we're not talking about whether or not she deep throats her banana for breakfast.
According to experts, you can get serious intel about what your girl will be like between the sheets by looking at everything from the way she kisses to her favorite ice cream flavor.
Here are six key factors to consider:
1. She's got swag in her step. Confidence is so sexy, and women who exude higher self-esteem in other arenas are likely to carry that confidence into the bedroom. But you can almost guarantee she'll be a rockstar in the bedroom if you help give her a boost. Compliments can go a long way to put her at ease and encourage her to be an expressive and assertive lover.
2. She's partial to cocktails. A recent study found that wine drinkers tend to be unadventurous and less likely to take risks, while vodka drinkers enjoy being in charge and independent. And here's another not-so-shocking conclusion: tequila drinkers are "free spirited, outgoing and fun to be around." Those sure sound like positive carnal qualities to us.
3. She appreciates food (and eats slowly).What this really means is that they are both primal and sensual experiences. A woman who delights in her meals and takes some time to savor the flavors may have an in-depth appreciation for carnal pleasure.
4. She licks this...type of ice cream. The same idea about food corresponding with sex rings true for her favorite type of ice cream. A study was conducted of 720 people, ages 24 to 59, to find out how ice cream flavors relate to personality. While other flavors corresponded with qualities like low-self-esteem and conservatism, It was found that coffee lovers tend to be dramatic, seductive and flirtatious.
5. She knows how to move her body. This might not come as a surprise, but athletes are often great in bed. Not only do sports breed confidence, but as we learn to appreciate and trust in our body's performance, our connection to our physical selves intensifies. On top of that, physical endurance, coordination, flexibility and strength can come in handy when you're hanging off the chandelier or getting creative in tight spaces!
6. She's orally gifted. Pay close attention to the way she kisses-it might just give you cues about her sexual style when it comes to other "oral activities" (wink, wink). If kissing alone gets you all riled up, you can bet that her tongue and lips will be even more titillating on your most sensitive regions. But if that first kiss wasn't perfect, don't fret. Sometimes the excitement and nerves of the initial encounter can be so overwhelming that our performance suffers. As she becomes more comfortable, she'll likely come out of her sexual shell. And what if she's a gentle kisser? That doesn't necessarily mean she'll be sheepish in the bedroom. She might want to be a sweet submissive one day and then a dominating diva the next. Our sexual roles are always changing.
MStrategic strokes, not size, spark her orgasm. If you really want to know what drives her wild, the answer might just be hiding in her drawer.
Here are five lessons you can learn from her favorite sex toys.
1. Linger a Little
Unlike porn actresses, most women first focus sex toys on their clitoris, penetrating only as climax nears
What you can do: Your penis isn't just for penetration. Use it to stroke her outer labia and clitoris during foreplay. Gyrating along these pleasure points while steadily increasing pressure will push her desire to the tipping point, so once you penetrate, you'll deliver orgasm-inducing thrusts.
2. Pick the Right Position
G-spot stimulators target the spongy, sensitive area in her upper vaginal wall, 2 inches from the opening. G-spot (as opposed to clitoral) orgasms come from strategic pressure, not size.
What you can do: To put pressure on this sensitive area with each thrust, you should enter her when she's on her back, with her knees resting on her chest.
3. Warm Her Up
With two vibrating petals shaped like a set of hare's ears, the Rabbit rubs both sides of her clitoris.
What you can do: Stimulate (gently) the clitoris from all sides. First, use your index and ring fingers to rub the sides. After she warms up, simultaneously stroke the top of her clitoris with your middle finger, completing the chorus that will send her over the edge.
4. Multi-Task
Dual-action devices massage her clitoris and G-spot in tandem so she's flushed with sensation in the two areas that trigger an orgasm.
What you can do: Good things come in pairs. If you're licking her clitoris, finger her G-spot. If she's in the cowgirl position, rub her clitoris. At any given time, either the G-spot or the clitoris should receive attention.
5. Change Speeds
The classic, multispeed vibrator lets her focus on her most nerve-rich erogenous spot, the clitoris, as she slowly increases the intensity.
What you can do: A little change is good; too much can capsize an orgasm. Always start slow, with gentle, broad strokes of your finger or tongue. Build toward a climax, instead of rapidly changing techniques and intensity. Hum while you lick and you'll cause the same sensation as her pocket rocket.
Everybody wants to have great sex. If you're not having any sex, you want it, if you're having okay sex, you want an upgrade to great and if your sex life is great, well, you want it to be mind-blowing.
But there's more to great sex than meets the eye. And it begins in the kitchen.
Your nutrition is vital to the quality of your sex life. To really get things going, you need to stimulate your 'circuitry,' your nervous and circulatory systems. You can't clog your arteries with saturated fat that slow circulation, inhibit blood flow and decrease the ability of the body to feel stimulation and expect to have great sex.
1). Whole grains: Brown rice may look like Clark Kent, but a bowl of whole grains, like oatmeal can make you Superman (or woman) in bed. While not the stuff of fantasy, that morning bowl of oats is high in zinc and can increase testosterone, which increases sexual desire (in both men and women). And being complex carbohydrates, whole grains create staying power, so you can perform in a way that matches your passion. So the next time you are contemplating breakfast in bed, think oatmeal, not croissants or bacon and eggs (which will clog your arteries and put you back to sleep).
2). Chocolate: What is the magic of this rich, dark, creamy, sensual, sweet, sexy food. There is true mojo in chocolate. This lovely indulgence is a rich source of magnesium, which soothes nerves, making us feel open and receptive. But the true power of chocolate is phenylalanine, an amino acid that raises the body's endorphins and produces dopamine, the brain chemical that surges during orgasm...for both men and women, creating...well, spectacularly great 'O-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h's.'
3). Oysters: Casanova was right. But I'm guessing that he didn't know that it was all about the zinc, which improves testosterone levels which leads to incredible sexual performance, as well as improved sperm count.
4). Chili Peppers: Hot peppers really heat things up as we eat them, but capsaicin, the source of that heat, triggers endorphins, our sensations of pleasure, which is very, very good for very, very good sex. Chilies also stimulate the nervous system, accentuating the effects of arousal, which is very, very, very good for very, very, very good sex. Conclusion? Hot, spicy foods can lead to hot, spicy sex.
5). Chia Seeds: Yes, the same seeds that can grow a chia pet can contribute to great sex. In terms of nutrition, a mere tablespoon of these tiny, ancient seeds are like making a smoothie made from salmon, spinach and human growth hormone. Packed with omega 3's and 6's, protein, calcium, iron, zinc, fiber and antioxidants, chia seeds will give you stamina to burn, improve circulation and increase your body's ability to feel stimulation. Brought to Aztec kings in homage, these tiny seeds will have you flushing your little blue pills right down the drain.
6). Ginger, Garlic, Onions: To really get your juices flowing, pile on the garlic, leeks, onions, scallions and chives. Known as alliums, these powerful vegetables will give you the stamina that pharmaceuticals can only promise. There are religious sects that actually ban the consumption of these humble foods because they believe they feed desire. Containing chemical compounds that stimulate blood flow to genital area, these vegetables cause intense feelings of arousal, resulting in a strong, enduring sex.
7). Olive oil: We need fat to produce sex hormones; not the kind that builds up around our bellies and hips, but healthy fat in our food. Here comes the sexy part. Fat and cholesterol are metabolized in the liver, stimulating the production of testosterone and estrogen, which we need for our sex drive...and performance. A healthy balance of sex hormones produces a strong libido in men and women. But skip the saturated fats in steak, butter and lobster and drizzle some extra virgin olive oil (rich in vitamin E, shown to improve sexual function) on the pasta, on the salad, on her, on him...
8). Tomatoes: Tomatoes were named 'love apples' by the Puritans for their 'sinful' sexual stimulation. Sought after as a love potion due to their red color, which signified excitement and passion, we now know the force behind tomatoes is the antioxidant, lycopene, a powerful libido-enhancer in both men and women. And since the mere scent of tomatoes has been shown to increase penile blood flow by 5%, perhaps that tomato bruschetta is a good idea for dinner tonight.
9). Soy: Chinese medicine tells us that soy relaxes and cools the body. When people are relaxed, they tend to be more open and receptive. In the bedroom, that's good! But it's the science of soy that's the sexy part. Soy contains phytoesterogens, hormone-like compounds that bind estrogen receptors. With soy as a regular part of your diet, vaginal lubrication is less of a problem. But the best part? Studies have shown that soy can be very beneficial to prostate health, which is crucial to male sexual function.
10). Artichokes: Ancient Romans believed that eating artichokes were not only an aphrodisiac, but would result in everlasting life. They were off on the living forever part, but artichokes can result in better sex. Science has shown that pantothenic acid is the reason for artichokes' reputation. Regulating bile production, artichokes tonify the liver, which governs nervous system response, so eating artichokes increases our response to stimulus. And increased response to stimulus means better sex.
With these ten foods added to your diet, you'll be off to the races...if and only if, you make healthy food choices overall, exercise regularly and live a more natural life.
There's no doubt that an active sex life makes couples live a happy and longer life. Check out the list of benefits of regular sexual activity.
1. Increases immunity
According to studies, regular sex positively influences immunity both in men and women. So if you are having sex daily, then you should know that it increases the level of immune-boosting antibody called immunoglobulin A, which helps you fight common illnesses.
2. Great form of exercise
Not surprising - sex helps to burn those stubborn calories. Studies suggest that having sex regularly is as good as pumping iron in the gym. What is more, during the intercourse there is muscular movement of the thighs, legs, arms, shoulders and lower abdomen which is like the total workout of the body.
3. Brings a couple closer
Most couples, busy with work commitments, sometimes find it difficult to spend time together during the day. But they can get the most out of their bedrooms. Interestingly, regular lovemaking makes people closer thus strengthening their relationship.
4. Comfort factor
Do you still feel vulnerable in bed, especially when you're naked in front of your partner? Having sex life more often can help you to overcome this barrier. Studies reveal that couples who make love more frequently are likely to feel reassured about themselves in bed.
5. Makes you look & feel young
Some studies reveal that sexual interaction allows the release of endorphins and boosts the skin's production of vitamin D, which in turn makes one look and feel young.
6. Helps to fight stress
Good news is that you can relieve stress and depression with the help of your sexual performance in the bedroom. Couples who make love regularly enjoy a more relaxed and happy life than those who have sex once a week.
7. Gives you better sleep
Having sex before going to bed is the best way to ensure a good night's sleep. Pleasant exhaustion after lovemaking is a normal reaction of the body which helps in inducing sleep. So after a hard day at work, indulge in sweat-inducing sex to get some restful slumber.
8. It's plain fun
Sex can be a fun exercise for couples who are in a committed relationship. So while physical intimacy helps the two of you stay connected, it also helps in adding some spice in your life. Moreover, experimenting in the bedroom with more than just vanilla sex can add that much-needed naughty element to your relationship.
In a society like ours, the myth that sex is for young people is one that has become widely accepted.
Many (especially women) have come to believe that the moment they are approaching a particular age, their men should excuse them from sex.
Well, what else would you expect from a woman who, all her life, has believed that sex is an obligation she must fulfill if she must keep her home. So, for her, sex is about her husband. It has nothing to do with her. And she is eagerly looking forward to a time when she will be able to say no to him and feel justified; after all "he should know that I'm no longer as young as I used to be."
Many women even believe that the moment their children start getting married, sex should be forgotten. I can never forget the agony of a man who once spoke with me, whose wife believes that sex is only for pro-creation. So, for her, sex time with her husband is pregnancy time. And once she is not ready for pregnancy, she is not ready for sex, so, she closes her laps.
Many men, on the other hand, are not looking forward to getting older because they have heard that becoming a senior citizen takes the pleasure of sexual intercourse away from them.
This fear has resulted from what they have heard from people over time and they have come to accept as the truth. But my research reveals that this is more of a myth than truth. There is no reason why a man and his wife should not enjoy good sexual intercourse into their seventies, and even eighties, if they are healthy. There have been couples who celebrated their golden jubilee with lovemaking.
You may want to ask, "What about men who discovered that they lost their sexuality as they aged?" You may even want to say, "It happened to me and I know a few others it happened to."
I cannot deny that it might have happened to you but I can boldly say, it should not happen to you. And I can hear somebody say, "Bosede, what are you talking about?" Just follow me I will make sense in a moment.
Tim Lahaye, the co-author of the best-selling book, The Act of Marriage, once asked a man in his mid-seventies, with a wife of about three or four years younger, how often they still had sex. This was his answer: "At least three times a week!" He said further, "Now that I'm retired we have more time for that sort of thing."
What is the secret of this man? It is simple. He obviously did not know that now that he is retired, he should be tired. He simply must have been looking forward to his retirement age because it will afford him the opportunity of having more time with his wife to do the things they were not able to do as often as they wanted when he was still in service. And because he did not know that he should be tired, he wasn't expecting his system to slow down and as a result, his system did not slow down. It simply maintained velocity.
The truth is, aging people lose steam because they expect to lose steam. Age they say is a thing of the mind. The moment you can successfully say to yourself, "I am getting old", you will feel old and every organ in your body will respond the same way, because there is a way old people are expected to feel. The mind, they say, makes the man. The man goes wherever his mind goes. A person's mental attitude towards age is very important. If you think your sex drive is fading, it will fade.
You may want to say, "Is there not supposed to be a difference in the sexuality of a man when he was young compared to when he is old?"
Yes, there will definitely be a difference but the difference should not stop him from having a nice time with his wife. Here is what Tim Lahaye says:
"As people grow older, the various parts of their body begin to wear out. But the process is unpredictable as the people involved…When vital energies begin to run down in our maturity, many activities of our youth are pursued less energetically and frequently. It is not uncommon for senior citizens, particularly men, to experience occasional malfunctions in lovemaking."
According to him, this occasional malfunction should not stop them from trying it again.
The Masters and Johnson research team composed of William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, were the first to conduct research on the sexual responsiveness of older adults, finding that given a state of reasonably good health and the availability of an interested and interesting partner, there was no absolute age at which sexual abilities disappeared. While they noted that there were specific changes to the patterns of male and female sexual responses with ageing - for example, it takes older men longer to become aroused and they typically require more direct genital stimulation, and the speed and amount of vaginal lubrication tends to diminish with age as well - they noted that many older men and women are perfectly capable of excitement and orgasm well into their seventies and beyond, a finding that has been confirmed in population based epidemiological research on sexual function in the elderly.
It is true that aging tends to reduce the intensity of most human drives, including sex, but that by no means should they cease entirely, after all, ageing people don't stop eating because they no longer have as much appetite as they used to when they were young.
One thing that will be of intense help to men, and even women, as they age is to get involved in regular exercises. Regular exercises will not only keep you healthy, it will keep you fit in bed. Not exercising weakens your muscles and your bones, and at the same time, makes you to accumulate excess fat. It is not until you enrol in a gym and engage in rigorous exercises that you can get the work done. This may be dangerous for you if you have not been used to it. But 30 minutes brisk walking, three times a week, may do a good work on you. Regular exercise is a vital component of a man's overall and sexual health. Aerobic activity in particular is important in improving physical fitness. Increased activity strengthens the body, builds self-esteem, and improves sexual health.
Many men in their sixties and beyond have found intake of vitamin E, zinc supplements, and other supplements helpful in re-igniting their virility. You may consult with your doctor, it may work for you.
Getting sufficient restful sleep can help the body to renew and restore itself. Sleep is a way to cleanse or digest the previous day's mental activities which could otherwise accumulate and cause toxic buildup. Revitalising the body with enough good sleep is necessary for a healthy sex life.
However, for middle-age men who find sex very tiresome, it is imperative to reduce risk factors for cardiovascular disease such as high blood pressure, elevated cholesterol and triglyceride levels, and obesity. They are advised to see a health practitioner.
Other recommendations: • Limit alcohol, particularly before a sexual encounter. Alcohol has been found to decrease the body's ability to produce testosterone. It also negatively affects sexual function.
• Minimise processed foods, deep fried foods, animal fats and refined sugars. These foods can contribute to arteriosclerosis, restricting the blood supply to the penis and the nerves which govern arousal.
• Quit smoking. It can damage the small blood vessels in the penis, decreasing sexual capability.
Sexual addiction takes up a great deal of energy, and you know you're in trouble when your behavior causes relationship breakdowns, job problems, legal issues, and a loss of interest in anything non-sexual.
If you suspect you have a problem, read on for some signs that you might be a sex addict.
You're leading a double life
Do you have an extra girlfriend or mistress? Do you regularly cheat on your partner? Do you keep your sex life a secret from those around you? Leading a double life for sexual gain can be a sign you're a sex addict. It is true that many people (men and women alike) cheat on their partners, but a compulsion to do so is abnormal. Keeping your sex life a secret may also point to a problem: Why don't you want to reveal your activities? When you know that what you are doing is wrong but you can't seem to help yourself, you have a problem.
You frequently seek out sexual material
A preoccupation with all things sex can lead to a very narrow existence. When you constantly and consistently only seek out media that is sex-related, this might be a sign you're a sex addict. We are not referring to the average guy who enjoys watching the occasional porn, looking at photographs or reading sex articles; it refers to the guy who is always seeking out sexually related material to the exclusion of most other things. It could also include a preoccupation with things like adult dating sites; perhaps you are not being very productive at work because you are desperately seeking Susan/Sarah/Savannah.
You're compromising your personal relationships
This sign you're a sex addict refers to compromising your relationship with your girlfriend or wife, but it can easily extend to social and work circles as well. You may cheat, be deceptive or be untrue to yourself and your partner in a variety of ways. Being unfaithful doesn't just mean having sexual contact with another person; it can be demonstrated in other ways like regularly visiting strip clubs or X-rated movie theaters without your partner's knowledge.
You seek out explicit sexual adventures
If you can't get excitement out of sex with the same person, you might desire or attempt to seek out more exciting encounters. This could lead you down a dangerous trail of constantly needing different stimuli to gain satisfaction and relief. If you're never satisfied with a standard lovemaking session with your partner every now and again, your sexuality is suffering. Frequently seeking out sexual variety is often indicative of an out-of-control sexual problem.
You get into trouble with the law
You may be engaging in many activities that are illegal in most places, such as sex with prostitutes, sex with minors or exhibitionism. Some activities might not be criminal offenses, but they are offensive nonetheless: voyeurism, indecent phone calls, etc. If your sex life is getting you into trouble, this might be a sign you're a sex addict. Sex should not get you into trouble, especially legal trouble; this could lead not only to a breakdown of a relationship, but embarrassment as your face and name are spread all over the local media.
You have negative feelings about your behavior
If you have intense negative feelings about yourself because of your behavior, it's time to get help. Everyone has a say in their lives, but sometimes we lose it and fall into a pit of despair. Feeling suicidal, guilty, remorseful or shameful can devastate your sense of self and lead to denial. Sex addiction is like other addictions; it is characterized by one's life becoming unmanageable as a direct result of the addictive behavior. When we do things because we are compelled to do them, and then hate ourselves for giving in to the urge, we create a nasty pattern of behavior that destroys our lives.
Before you hook up in your car, a newsflash from the fun police: Safe sex means not crashing the car during road head or getting slapped with a public indecency fine. So before we get started, keep these guidelines in mind.
Park the car and turn it off, find a private, kid-free place, and put a towel or sweatshirt over the seat so your butt doesn't stick to the leather.
Now, on to the fun stuff...
Sunny Side Up: Open the sunroof and have your man sit in the passenger seat. Climb on top, facing him, and stand with your feet on either side of his hips (thanks to the sunroof, your upper body will be outside). Let him treat you to oral and if you're wearing a skirt or dress, just ditch your underwear and let the material cascade over his head.
Take Him for a Ride: With your guy in the passenger seat, shift the seat all the way back, and recline the seat back. Get into his lap and go at it cowgirl-style. (Hint: Grab onto the headrest for leverage).
Fast and Furious: Kneel on the passenger seat, facing the back of the car, and (depending on how tall he is) have him either kneel on the seat or crouch behind you for doggie sex.
Lap Trance: Here's a hot one to try in the driver's seat. Move the seat back as far as it goes, and sit face-forward on your man's lap, so you're both looking out the front window. Grab onto the steering wheel and use it to help rock your body back and forth.
Spoonful of Hotness: Spoon sex is the most comfortable back seat option (missionary can feel claustrophobic)-plus, no one will be able to see you. Move the front seats forward and the seat backs upright. He should lie on his side across the backseat, with you in front of him so your back is pressed against his chest. If the seat is narrow, keep yourself from falling off by bracing your hands against the seat in front of you.
Rock Your World: Music amps up car sex: Because you're in such a small space, if you crank the volume enough the whole car will start to thump and vibrate, which can supercharge sensations. It also masks noise, giving you the freedom to get loud if you feel like it. Try changing the station during sex depending on the mood you're in. So, hard rock if you want a fast, intense tempo; R&B for a slow, romantic vibe.
Steam Things Up: Leave the windows rolled up and let them get all steamy.
Get Exhibitionist-y: If you're feeling daring, lie down on the hood of the car, cover your bodies with a big blanket or towel, and then get into scissor sex position. That way, if anyone passes by it'll look like you're just making out.
Okay, Now Get Really Exhibitionist-y: If you're positive you won't get caught, go all out by trying doggie-style sex on the hood. Stand on the ground facing the car, bend over at the waist, and rest your hands on the hood so he can enter you from behind. Or, get onto the hood on your hands and knees (lay down a towel or blanket first in case the metal is hot).
Raise the Roof: Lie perpendicular on the roof of the car and scooch your butt to the edge so your legs dangle over the side. He should stand in front of you so you can prop your thighs on his shoulders, putting him in primo position to go down on you.
Don Milisav Juan Gonzales Brzi, this wealthy Serbian bachelor who says he is 39, has been posting pictures of himself in his mansion in the hope that his wealth will lure in a lady.
In a note attached to the photos, Don Milisav Juan Gonzales Brzi, wrote:
'To all unmarried ones who would like to spend their life by my side and within all thebeauties of my home. 'Please look below at all the magic of my home that I have decorated with taste, perhaps just for YOU.'
The bizarre snaps have been circulating on Croatian, Bosnian and Serbian websites and have since gone viral.
In them the grey-haired singleton is seen standing awkwardly in his bathroom, 'relaxing' on a bed and kneeling in what appears to be a hallway.
Mr Brzi is looking for a much younger 16-20-year-old for a relationship and marriage.
An ultraconservative Muslim preacher in Saudi Arabia was sentenced to eight years in prison and 800 lashes for raping and beating his five-year-old daughter to death, official media said Tuesday. Fayhan al-Ghamdi, who often preached on television, was convicted of beating his daughter Lama with canes, burning her with electrical cables, crushing her skull and tearing off her nails. She was also raped repeatedly and died months later in a Saudi hospital.
The kingdom follows a strict interpretation of Islam under which murder, drug trafficking, rape and armed robbery are capital crimes, with execution mostly by firing squad. The case of Lama caused a public outcry and brought to light sensitive issues surrounding the ambiguity of punishment for Saudi fathers found guilty of murdering their own children.
Much less serious crimes often receive heavier punishment. Earlier this week, a Saudi court gave four young men sentences of between three to 10 years prison and 500 to 2,000 lashes for dancing naked in public in the city of Buraydah, north of Riyadh.
The Saudi official news website Sabq reported that the hard-line Muslim preacher was not given a harsher sentence because Lama's mother accepted 1 million riyals, roughly $267,000, from her ex-husband as "blood money," allowed in litigation under Saudi law.
The Egyptian mother, who acquired Saudi nationality through her ex-husband, was quoted in Arab Gulf-based media saying she is a poor single woman with no income. By accepting the money, she waived the right to demand retribution, or "qisas," against al-Ghamdi for the death of their daughter. It was not immediately known if she was pressured to accept the deal.
Lama's mother told broadcaster Al-Arabiya that al-Ghamdi took their daughter from her for a two-week visit in 2011 to his home with his second wife and other children. Months went by and he refused to allow the mother to see her daughter. The mother wears a full face veil and her name was not revealed.
Lama was then taken to a hospital, where she died in intensive care in late 2012.
"I saw her and I swear to God I didn't recognize her," the mother told the news channel, describing the moment she saw her daughter's disfigured face and body in the hospital. "I felt there is no mercy among humans."
"She was beaten from the head to the toe, all black and blue all over her body," the mother said.
Al-Ghamdi had previously said he had been guided by God after having a temper during his adolescent years, although Lama's mother says otherwise.
"He used to beat me for no reason and raise a knife to me," she told popular Saudi station Rotana Khalijia, adding that al-Ghamdi also did not provide basic household necessities.
"A man who does not even give money to (feed) his own daughter is not a preacher," she said, adding that al-Ghamdi did not practice what he preached on television, taking drugs, drinking alcohol and sometimes breaking obligatory Muslims fasts.
Find out the facts behind this controversial condition
By Sarah Jio
By iStockphoto
Sex addiction: It seems to be the diagnosis of the moment, doesn’t it? Suddenly, when celebrities are caught cheating on their spouse, they admit to being a “sex addict” and then disappear (Ã la Tiger Woods) for a month at a fancy rehabilitation center. You may be wondering: Is sex addiction real or just a cop-out for selfish behavior? Is it becoming increasingly common? What makes someone a sex addict? We spoke to experts to get the facts on this often-confusing condition.
Truth #1: There are specific criteria for diagnosis of sex addiction. How can you tell if you, or someone you love, is a sex addict? “Sexual addiction, like any addiction, is diagnosed via in-depth interviews and the use of assessment instruments specifically designed to determine if a person meets the criteria for sexual addiction,” says Connie Stapleton, PhD, a licensed psychologist and author in Augusta, Georgia. In her practice, she says, answering “yes” to the following question may indicate sex-addict behavior: “Has your sexual behavior caused problems in your life—for example, negatively affected your personal relationships, resulted in legal charges, resulted in termination from your job—and if so, have you continued the behavior, knowing the problems were caused by, or made worse by your engaging in that behavior?”
Dr. Stapleton says signs of sex addiction may also include chronic masturbation, participation in anonymous sex, exhibiting oneself for money, selling sex, voyeuristic behavior, paying for sex, excessive flirting or seductive behavior, multiple affairs, having sex with “inappropriate” persons such as one’s dentist or boss, consistent use of pornography and engaging in phone or computer sex—especially with strangers.
Truth #2: Sex addiction is real, but unrecognized in the textbook sense. Though it’s not formally recognized as an “addiction” in medical textbooks, most health experts concur that sexual addiction is a real and debilitating condition. “As a licensed psychologist with additional certifications in alcohol, drug and sex addiction, I wholeheartedly believe that sex addiction is a very real thing,” says Dr. Stapleton. She cites a long list of studies that have explored the existence and validity of this condition. “Research clearly acknowledges sexual addiction.”
Truth #3: Infidelity does not always equate to sex addiction. He may have cheated on you, but it doesn’t make him a sex addict, say experts. “Sex addiction seems to be the diagnosis du jour,” says Jonathan Alpert, a New York City–based psychotherapist and author of “No More Drama,” an advice column appearing in various Metro newspapers. “Our society and culture has the tendency to label every celebrity who cheats a ‘sex addict.’ It's important to make the distinction between someone who truly has a problem and someone who just made a mistake.” Sex addiction, in contrast, is characterized by the inability to control sexual impulses. “It's important to distinguish between someone who just has poor judgment and makes a mistake—an isolated case of infidelity—and someone who has a genuine problem controlling sexual impulses,” he says.
Truth #4: Just like with a drug, some people use sex to numb pain. Some alcoholics talk of drinking away their sorrows. Drug addicts, in some cases, turn to substances to ease pain. And the same thing is true of sex addicts, says Alpert. “Similar to drugs and alcohol, sex might be used to numb feelings of depression and anxiety, and to achieve a high,” he explains, noting that, just like with drug addicts, sex addicts often, over time, feel the need to have more frequent and intense sex to achieve the same level of satisfaction. “In my practice, I see a lot of clients for sex addiction,” he continues, “including a wave of them in the fall of 2008 when the economy crashed—Wall Street guys who were losing their jobs left and right, and yet spent money recklessly on sex to cope—proof that sex, like drugs and alcohol, is used to numb feelings of anxiety and depression.”
Sex addicts, adds Debra Laino, DHS, MS, a board-certified sex therapist in private practice in Wilmington, Delaware, often use sexuality to boost their self-esteem and reduce anxiety. While it can work, temporarily, to alleviate these symptoms, an inappropriate or risky sexual encounter creates a “negative feedback loop,” she says, “where after the individual takes part in the behavior there is a level of guilt they feel and the only thing that takes it away is more sex.”
Truth #5: Sex addiction is becoming easier to fall into, thanks to technology. Facebook, text messaging and e-mail are used by most Americans, but for some, technology can be a trigger for sexual addiction (just think of Tiger Woods’ now-infamous alleged text messages to his mistresses). “Technology has made sex more accessible, and as a result, can fuel sex addiction,” says Alpert. This doesn’t make technology evil, of course, but it can be a trigger for someone who already has impulse-control issues related to sex. “The Internet and other technology enhance the ritualistic component of sex addiction,” he explains. “Cruising online and covertly arranging a rendezvous sometimes provides more of a thrill to the addict than the actual sexual act.”
Truth #6: Sex addiction destroys marriages—and families. “Sex addiction very often leads to divorce,” says Dr. Stapleton. “People all too often spread diseases to innocent partners. A number of people end up losing jobs as a result of viewing pornography on their computers at work.” Ronald Frederick, LP, PhD, a psychologist practicing in Minneapolis and the founder of the Center for Courageous Living adds, “Right now I'm dealing with a couple in which one of the partners was acting out sexually for two years without the other knowing. His spouse is shocked to have been so unaware, extremely sad, angry and finding it hard to trust. It's not clear whether they will be able to get back on track.”
But the real victims? The children of a sex-addicted parent, says Dr. Stapleton. “Very often, kids find the parent’s pornography, whether it is the form of magazines or sites saved on the computer. Children can become confused about sex, seeing images that portray dangerous or painful depictions of sex, and then hearing about the sacred nature of the sex act between two people who love one another when their sex-addicted parent takes them to church on Sunday or preaches the message to them at home. Kids hear their parents fighting about infidelity or how much time one spends on the computer or about the lack of intimacy in their relationship. It’s really tragic to see how addiction damages so many lives.”
Truth #7: Sex addiction is becoming more common. Does it seem like sex addiction is becoming more prevalent? That’s because it is, says Dr. Frederick. “It seems that the number of people seeking therapy for sexual addiction has increased,” he says. “Three to six percent of the population is believed to suffer from sexual addiction, but, due to the stigma and people not seeking treatment, this statistic may be an underestimate.” Furthermore, most of the people found to have this condition are in fact men. According to research by sex addiction expert Patrick Carnes, PhD, only 20 to 25 percent of sex addiction sufferers are women.
Truth #8: Sex addiction is treatable. If you suspect that you, or your spouse, are a sex addict, there is hope. “People should see an expert trained in treating sexual disorders,” says Dr. Frederick. “A list of appropriate therapists can be found through the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.” He recommends both individual and group therapy, such as 12-step programs for recovery from sex addiction, as well as medication. “Treatment may also involve psychiatric medications such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors like Prozac or Paxil to control impulsive or compulsive behaviors; a mood stabilizer like lithium can also help with impulse control.”
How to conquer 10 common bedroom worries for women
By Sarah Jio
iStockPhoto
Whether you have body image issues, concerns about the way you smell or anxiety about achieving orgasm, sexual hangups can put a damper on desire and leave your sex life less than satisfying—for yourselfand your husband. Here, our experts weigh in on the10 most common sex roadblocks for women and how to get past them.
Hangup #1: Self-Conscious About Having the Lights On
What’s your first instinct before you have sex? If it’s to turn the lights off, you’re not alone, says Debby Herbenick, PhD, author of Because It Feels Good: A Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction. “Many women are afraid of letting their partner see them naked with the lights on,” she says.But here’s the irony: “Most men love the way their partner looks—and they desperately want to see her naked, stretch marks and all!” Men are visual, she adds, and so keeping the lights off may take away a level of excitement for him.
How to Get Over It: Try a little candlelight or install a dimmer switch in your bedroom, suggests Dr. Herbenick. “Lights with a dimmer switch could be a great do-it-yourself project to suggest to one's husband, too. If he knows what the dimmer switch is for, he may jump on that project right away!”
Hangup #2: Worrying About the Smell—Down There
Any woman who’s heard a joke about female genitals “smelling like fish” may have thought to herself: “Yikes, do I really smell like that?” “Women get uptight about this,” says Tina Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. “In addition, if your early background includes information that your sexual parts are ‘dirty,’ it can lead to fears about odor.”
How to Get Over It: “The truth is, even healthy bodies have a scent,” says Dr. Tessina. “This is actually a good thing, because your scent is your pheromones—those hormones that attract men. Yes, vaginal odor can get stronger in the presence of a yeast infection, but if you are healthy and clean, there's no need to worry. Any man who has had sex before is accustomed to the natural scent of sex, and it will even turn him on.”
Hangup #3: Concerns About Passing Gas During Sex
The average woman passes gas 14 times per day. But wait—gasp!—what if it happens during sex? It might, says Dr. Tessina, but don’t let it worry you. “We must never forget that we're human,” she says. “We are going to pass gas, burp and even have ‘vaginal farts,’ which is a noise that can happen if air gets trapped in the vagina during sex.”
How to Get Over It: While you can take precautions like forgoing gassy foods before sex or taking antigas medication, Dr. Tessina suggests another route: “Develop a sense of humor about sex and about your body,” she says. “Sharing a laugh during sex because someone had an 'eruption' can bring the two of you closer.”
Hangup #4: Anxiety About Not Being Able to Please Him
“Women, like men, often get hung up on performance anxiety,” says Dr. Herbenick. Does this feel good to him? Is he having a good time? Is he getting tired of this same old thing I always do?
How to Get Over It: “If a woman is worried that she is bad at something about sex, she might let her partner know about her anxieties by saying something like ‘I want to please you so much and I worry that I'm bad at oral sex’ or ‘I worry that I'm not very adventurous,’” she suggests. “This gives her partner the opportunity to reassure her of the ways that she does please him. Asking explicitly about what's working can help women to feel more reassured and confident about sex.” Luke Vorstermans, a married man in Nova Scotia, Canada, says take heart. “Men are not nearly as complicated as women make them out to be,” he says. “Since we're primarily visual and physical in our sexual expression, we're fairly easy to satisfy. And what really turns us on is when you get turned on. So instead of worrying about what turns us on, get turned on yourself.”
Hangup #5: Fear That He’s Thinking About Past Partners
You’re lying in bed together, but you can’t stop wondering if he’s thinking about his ex. Every woman wonders, but if it’s causing you to worry, try to let it go. Dr. Tessina has some tough love for you: “If they're truly past partners, you've won, you're his choice now, so drop it,” she says. If you keep worrying about it—and bring up the other woman—you may run the risk of damaging your relationship.
How to Get Over It: “If this anxiety creeps up, women should try basic relaxation techniques such as deep breathing to help them re-focus on the present,” says Dr. Herbenick. “Try to reframe these thoughts into more positive statements such as "He chose me" or "We love each other" or "That's the past, this is the present—and we have amazing sex together and an amazing life together." But if your worries persist, you might talk to him about it, says Justice Marshall, a husband and marriage coach in Vancouver, Canada. “There are few things more attractive than a woman who will expose her vulnerability,” he says.
Hangup #6: Worry About Not Being Able to Achieve Orgasm
The theory among sexual health experts: Women worry too much about whether they’ll orgasm or not. “Although it's understandable that many women want to have an orgasm, the irony is that worrying too much about orgasm—and focusing very hard on it—can actually make it more difficult to orgasm,” says Dr. Herbenick.
How to Get Over It: Instead, she says, try focusing on experiencing pleasure during sex. “Then, when you notice emotional or physical sensations that feel pleasurable, you might try to increase or enhance that pleasure, or to focus your attention on those sensations. Over time, by focusing on pleasure, rather than on orgasm as a goal, you may actually find that it becomes easier to orgasm anyway.”
Hangup #7: Concerns About Oral Sex
“Many of my clients still feel uncomfortable receiving and giving their partner oral sex,” says LeslieBeth Wish, EdD, a Florida-based psychologist. She says it boils down to these three reasons: not knowing what to do to please a man, not knowing how to get pleasure from receiving oral sex, or concerns about odor, cleanliness, disease or bodily functions.
How to Get Over It: While it’s not for everyone, Dr. Herbenick likes to encourage women not to be afraid of it, either. “I like to remind women that there is no one way to perform oral sex,” she says. “In fact, in my book I go into detail about this and provide various techniques. For example, some women worry that they must take their partner's entire penis into their mouth. However, there is a range of ways one can perform oral sex on a man. Similarly, there are different positions couples can use for oral sex on a woman.”
Hangup #8: Bringing Negative Thoughts into the Bedroom
Women commonly get distracted by negative thoughts in the bedroom, says Dr. Herbenick. “They may tell themselves that they are unattractive, that they've gained weight, that they're upset with their partner or that orgasm is always hard,” she says. “But one thing we know from research is that when women practice reframing negative sex self-talk into positive sex self-talk, they can actually enhance their sexual experience and response.”
How to Get Over It: Silence your inner critic! So your husband didn’t do the dishes after dinner—for the third night in a row—let it go! “Positive self-talk can help to enhance women's arousal as well as their ease of orgasm,” she says.
Hangup #9: Being Too Ticklish
He touches you, but instead of feeling pleasure, you feel like giggling because you’re ticklish. Don’t let this spoil the mood, says Dr. Herbenick. Instead, try to train him to touch you in the right way.
How to Get Over It: “If a woman has very sensitive spots, she should let her partner know to use a different type of touch,” she says. Next time you’re feeling sensitive to his touch, suggest a gentle but firm touch, rather than a light touch, which can sometimes unleash a tickly feeling—especially when you’re just warming up.
Hangup #10: Vaginal Dryness
You’re turned on, so why do you feel so dry? Vaginal dryness can be concerning to a woman, says Dr. Herbenick. And while it may go hand-in-hand with breastfeeding or menopause, sometimes you may just have drier days. It doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you.
How to Get Over It: The solution, she says, is a good bottle of water-based lubricant stashed in the bedside table. “I like Good Clean Love, which is made with organic ingredients and is condom- and diaphragm-compatible,” she says.
