| In a society like ours, the myth that sex is for young people is one that has become widely accepted. |
Many (especially women) have come to believe that the moment they are approaching a particular age, their men should excuse them from sex.
Well, what else would you expect from a woman who, all her life, has believed that sex is an obligation she must fulfill if she must keep her home. So, for her, sex is about her husband. It has nothing to do with her. And she is eagerly looking forward to a time when she will be able to say no to him and feel justified; after all "he should know that I'm no longer as young as I used to be."
Many women even believe that the moment their children start getting married, sex should be forgotten. I can never forget the agony of a man who once spoke with me, whose wife believes that sex is only for pro-creation. So, for her, sex time with her husband is pregnancy time. And once she is not ready for pregnancy, she is not ready for sex, so, she closes her laps.
Many men, on the other hand, are not looking forward to getting older because they have heard that becoming a senior citizen takes the pleasure of sexual intercourse away from them.
This fear has resulted from what they have heard from people over time and they have come to accept as the truth. But my research reveals that this is more of a myth than truth. There is no reason why a man and his wife should not enjoy good sexual intercourse into their seventies, and even eighties, if they are healthy. There have been couples who celebrated their golden jubilee with lovemaking.
You may want to ask, "What about men who discovered that they lost their sexuality as they aged?" You may even want to say, "It happened to me and I know a few others it happened to."
I cannot deny that it might have happened to you but I can boldly say, it should not happen to you. And I can hear somebody say, "Bosede, what are you talking about?" Just follow me I will make sense in a moment.
Tim Lahaye, the co-author of the best-selling book, The Act of Marriage, once asked a man in his mid-seventies, with a wife of about three or four years younger, how often they still had sex. This was his answer: "At least three times a week!" He said further, "Now that I'm retired we have more time for that sort of thing."
What is the secret of this man? It is simple. He obviously did not know that now that he is retired, he should be tired. He simply must have been looking forward to his retirement age because it will afford him the opportunity of having more time with his wife to do the things they were not able to do as often as they wanted when he was still in service. And because he did not know that he should be tired, he wasn't expecting his system to slow down and as a result, his system did not slow down. It simply maintained velocity.
The truth is, aging people lose steam because they expect to lose steam. Age they say is a thing of the mind. The moment you can successfully say to yourself, "I am getting old", you will feel old and every organ in your body will respond the same way, because there is a way old people are expected to feel. The mind, they say, makes the man. The man goes wherever his mind goes. A person's mental attitude towards age is very important. If you think your sex drive is fading, it will fade.
You may want to say, "Is there not supposed to be a difference in the sexuality of a man when he was young compared to when he is old?"
Yes, there will definitely be a difference but the difference should not stop him from having a nice time with his wife. Here is what Tim Lahaye says:
"As people grow older, the various parts of their body begin to wear out. But the process is unpredictable as the people involved…When vital energies begin to run down in our maturity, many activities of our youth are pursued less energetically and frequently. It is not uncommon for senior citizens, particularly men, to experience occasional malfunctions in lovemaking."
According to him, this occasional malfunction should not stop them from trying it again.
The Masters and Johnson research team composed of William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, were the first to conduct research on the sexual responsiveness of older adults, finding that given a state of reasonably good health and the availability of an interested and interesting partner, there was no absolute age at which sexual abilities disappeared. While they noted that there were specific changes to the patterns of male and female sexual responses with ageing - for example, it takes older men longer to become aroused and they typically require more direct genital stimulation, and the speed and amount of vaginal lubrication tends to diminish with age as well - they noted that many older men and women are perfectly capable of excitement and orgasm well into their seventies and beyond, a finding that has been confirmed in population based epidemiological research on sexual function in the elderly.
It is true that aging tends to reduce the intensity of most human drives, including sex, but that by no means should they cease entirely, after all, ageing people don't stop eating because they no longer have as much appetite as they used to when they were young.
One thing that will be of intense help to men, and even women, as they age is to get involved in regular exercises. Regular exercises will not only keep you healthy, it will keep you fit in bed. Not exercising weakens your muscles and your bones, and at the same time, makes you to accumulate excess fat. It is not until you enrol in a gym and engage in rigorous exercises that you can get the work done. This may be dangerous for you if you have not been used to it. But 30 minutes brisk walking, three times a week, may do a good work on you. Regular exercise is a vital component of a man's overall and sexual health. Aerobic activity in particular is important in improving physical fitness. Increased activity strengthens the body, builds self-esteem, and improves sexual health.
Many men in their sixties and beyond have found intake of vitamin E, zinc supplements, and other supplements helpful in re-igniting their virility. You may consult with your doctor, it may work for you.
Getting sufficient restful sleep can help the body to renew and restore itself. Sleep is a way to cleanse or digest the previous day's mental activities which could otherwise accumulate and cause toxic buildup. Revitalising the body with enough good sleep is necessary for a healthy sex life.
However, for middle-age men who find sex very tiresome, it is imperative to reduce risk factors for cardiovascular disease such as high blood pressure, elevated cholesterol and triglyceride levels, and obesity. They are advised to see a health practitioner.
Other recommendations:
• Limit alcohol, particularly before a sexual encounter. Alcohol has been found to decrease the body's ability to produce testosterone. It also negatively affects sexual function.
• Minimise processed foods, deep fried foods, animal fats and refined sugars. These foods can contribute to arteriosclerosis, restricting the blood supply to the penis and the nerves which govern arousal.
• Quit smoking. It can damage the small blood vessels in the penis, decreasing sexual capability.
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